You really coming over, don't trick.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
