even my farts smell like vagina
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
