it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
