So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
