Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
