Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
