Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
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