Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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