Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
PANTIES FOUND
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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