He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
