Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
