Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
