Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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