Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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