question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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