Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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