I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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