I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
