I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
