grandma shit on top of the toilet
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Say something about gay babies.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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