If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
