He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Found your dick twin last night
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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