one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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