I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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