i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
