I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
