She said her name was "party"
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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