that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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