I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
