He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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