The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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