don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
