fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
