i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
