I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
