I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
