His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
then he tried to convert me to islam
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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