so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
