is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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