my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
