my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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