My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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