I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
