Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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