So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
