Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize