After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize