I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
