Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I woke up under a house in Key West
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
