fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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