You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
