your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
