yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
