I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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