hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
