I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
