in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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