Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
