This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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