Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
