Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
