Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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