He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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