Acid is not a monday night drug
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
