Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
