things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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