Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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